


Someday never came

by sprinklednana



Series: a love like this [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Break Up, Crying, Drunkenness, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Fluff, Heartbreak, Insecurity, Jeno swears like twice, Kissing, Lots of it, M/M, Swearing, This Is Sad, but there will def be a part 3, didn't do it on purpose jafnjfdsn, dreamies are only mentioned, fluff part is only in flashbacks, it starts with someone being drunk again, lots of happy memories, mentions of bullying, nana loves nono so much, nono loves nana so much too, they deserve the world, they're both sweethearts, this is just for tonight part 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 03:51:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15161951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprinklednana/pseuds/sprinklednana
Summary: “I’m gonna marry you someday, Na Jaemin!” Jeno hiccups, all eyesmiles, heavy lids, pink cheeks, and unrestrained laughter, “You’re gonna be Jaemin Lee— or, or I could be Jeno Na. Or you c-could still be Jaemin Na and I-I’d still be Jeno Lee, but we’d be together.”





	Someday never came

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, READ ALL THE NOTES AND TAGS PLEASE!!!
> 
> This takes place months before the story of Just for tonight, even though this is part 2. Basically this is set the day they break up + flashbacks of their relationship. Please do take note that the italicized paragraphs are flashbacks!!!!!
> 
> I was listening to Quest's Walang Hanggan, Rico Blanco's Wag Mong Aminin, and JRoa's Oks Lang Ako. They're all filipino songs but they're just so perfect and I get to connect more with songs of my mother tongue. You can listen to it even if you don't understand. The melodies of the song, esp Quest's Walang Hanggan fit this part of the story so well. 
> 
> Here are a few roughly translated lyrics from the songs I mentioned, let me be extra ok: (1) I thought we'd last forever, but this is the end, (2) Don't tell me truth, I won't be able to take it, and I don't want to get hurt, and (3) Please hold me, even if it's not true. 
> 
> I broke my own heart writing this basically. My notes are too long now, I hope you like it! Please do tell me what you think about this one!!

  

_“I’m gonna marry you someday, Na Jaemin!” Jeno hiccups, all eyesmiles, heavy lids, pink cheeks, and unrestrained laughter, “You’re gonna be Jaemin Lee— or, or I could be Jeno Na. Or you c-could still be Jaemin Na and I-I’d still be Jeno Lee, but we’d be together.”_

 

_The older boy turns to his side to face his lover. His arm was getting squished by his own body, but the view of his pretty lover was worth it._

_Here they were. Two kids lying on the grass under a sea of stars. Drunk and in love and in love and in love and in love and in love **.**_

_Jaemin takes one look at the other. At the precious moles on his face. In his beautiful eyes shaped like crescents. At his pink soft soft soft lips. Jaemin smiles gently,_ eyelashes hitting his cheeks as he closes his eyes, “Sounds like a plan, Nono.” 

 

 

 

 

Jaemin loves Jeno and Jeno loves Jaemin.  

 

Jaemin was young, confused and a little awkward, but he was sure he loved Jeno.  

 

He loved Jeno in the purest softest most gentle way one person can love. He loved him in a way one would love a warm blanket in a cold rainy day. He loved him in a way one would love the feeling of warmth on their throat after taking a sip of hot chocolate made especially for them. He loved him in a way one would love reading a book they’ve read thousands of times before. Knowing. Expecting. Comfortable. Familiar. 

 

That morning, Jaemin wakes up to the day when he will truly discover that love isn’t always enough.  

 

 

 

 

_Jeno takes one of his hands off the steering wheel and uses it to grab the other’s delicate fingers._

_“Hey! Both hands on the steering wheel!” Jaemin scolds lighty, but Jeno just chuckles and intertwines their fingers together, bringing the other’s hand up to his mouth and pressing a soft kiss on the back of it._

_“Sorry, babe. I just can’t keep my hands off my beautiful baby.”_

_Jaemin rolls his eyes but there’s an unmistakable pink tint on his cheeks, “Flattery won’t get you anywhere.”_

_Jeno smiles that beautiful smile of his, eyes still focused on the road, “Well it got me in my car, with the prettiest boy in the whole world in the passenger seat. I’ll take my chances.”_

_The younger boy hits his arm lightly, “Someone’s awfully flirty today.”_

_“I just missed you.”_

_The other snorts, “We went to school together this morning.”_

_The older boy pouts playfully, “Didn’t you miss me?”_

_“I always miss you, baby.” Jaemin says, brushing the back of his hand on the other’s smooth cheek. He says it in a playful tone but they both know it’s the truth._

_“Me too, people are so tiring. You know how much it takes for me to keep talking to people who aren’t you, Mark, or Injun. Or your friends even.”_

_The younger pinches his cheek, grinning now, “That’s so cute, you love my friends. They love you too you know. And I can’t blame all the people in school, of course they want to talk to Mr. Popular over here.”_

_“I’m not popular.”_

_The younger snorts unattractively, but it still brings a fond smile to the other’s lips, “I’m not popular he says, co-captain of the basketball team, one of best members of the dance team, and easily the most handsome boy in school.”_

_Jeno rolls his eyes, “Don’t talk like that, I don’t play or dance to be popular.”_

_“I know you don’t silly, I’m just saying that they all love you. That’s why they wanna talk to you all the time.”_

_“Do you love me too?” Jeno teases._

_“More than anyone, Nono.”_

_“Shut up, baby. I’m driving and you’re making me want to kiss you.”_

_“Then pull over and give Nana a kiss.” The younger teases, using his cute voice that he knows the other can never resist._

_All at once, he feels Jeno place an arm against his chest as the car jerks suddenly._

_They’re on the side of the road when the older boy faces him with a smirk, unbuckling his seatbelt._

_“Not driving anymore.”_

 

 

 

 

Jaemin doesn’t understand what is happening, except maybe he does and he just doesn’t want to admit it. 

 

Jeno was so distant with him the whole morning, and the whole time they were in school for that matter. No kisses in between classes, no _i love you_ s, no holding hands as he walks his younger boyfriend to class, no _i miss you_ s during lunch, just a simple “let’s talk after school”, that made the younger boy’s heart sink to his stomach. 

 

Jaemin felt like he was floating. He thinks, _maybe this is what ghosts feel like_.

 

None of them said a single word since he saw his lover waiting for him outside of his last class. None of them said a single word as they walk towards Jeno’s pick up in the parking lot. None of them said a single word as the older boy pulled over on the side of the road.  

 

_Jaemin doesn’t want this to be an end, but the feeling in his heart knows that it is._

 

They sat there, in silence for a while, with tension in the air and tension in their chests. It felt unreal to both of them, to sit right next to each other and feel anything less than perfect. To not be comforted by the other’s presence. _It felt like a dream_. Jaemin wants nothing more than to wake up. 

 

“Nana.” Jeno whispers, both hands still on the steering wheel despite turning the car off. Eyes focused in front, jaw clenched, shoulders tensed.  

 

“Jen— what is this?” Jaemin asks, but he already knows. He knows Jeno as much as Mark and Injun do, maybe even more. He knows Jeno. He understands Jeno. Even without words. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Nana. I’m so sorry.” Jeno begins to cry and _it hurts it hurts it hurts_. 

 

Jaemin can’t find the words, neither of them can.  

 

The younger boy turns his face to the window, refusing to look at the love of his life break down. He closes his eyes and bites his lips so hard, he was sure it would draw blood. 

 

“Jae— Jamie—” The older boy releases a long and shaky breath, voice sounding unfamiliar because of his cries. “I think— I think it’s time for us to end this.” 

 

_I think it’s time for us to end this._  

 

Jaemin knew where this day would lead to the moment his lover told him they needed to talk. Jaemin  _knew_. He knew but it didn’t hurt any less. It didn’t prepare him for the ache in his chest. He can’t think properly and it feels like he’s losing all the air in his body.  

 

“ _Why?_ ” and it’s supposed to be a question but it sounded more like an accusation, sounded more like a  _no_ , “Why Jen?”  

 

Jeno clears his throat, because he needs to say this properly. The younger boy is the most beautiful person he has ever met, _in every sense of the word_. He’s one of the best things that ever happened to him. Jeno needed to give him a proper explanation, he deserved at least that. 

 

“Jaemin. Listen to me, okay? I love you, I love you so much— I was my happiest with you. I can never thank you enough. But—" Jeno exhales, "you deserve better. Okay? You’re the best person and you don’t deserve all the _baggage_ I bring and I’m so sorry it took me so long to realize how selfish I’ve been, you don’t deserve it. You really don’t, Nana.” 

 

“ _Baby_ ,” Jaemin tries to speak, tries to tell him _no no no none of this is true please please_. 

 

“ _No_ , Jaemin— please,  _please_ let me finish. I _know_ you’re strong. I _know_ you love me. But I know you better than most people too. I know it hurts you—what the people in school keep saying about you.  I know about the anonymous messages you keep on trying to hide from me. Mark and Injun told me about the things those stupid people in school say about you. I defend you, you know. Mark and Injun do too. They love you. _I_ love you. _But we can only do so much_. And we both know about my family not accepting you. I’m sorry. I know you cry about it too, you can’t hide from me, Nana. I’m so sorry. For being so selfish for so long. For not being able to stop them from hurting you. I want to protect you, Na. I want your hurt to stop. And this is the only way I know how. I’m sorry it took so long, I’m so sorry, Nana— Please,  _please_ forgive me.” 

 

Jaemin wanted to tell him a million things, wanted to say _no you’re not selfish you’re the kindest person I’ve ever known_ , wanted to tell him _it hurts yes it does it hurts so much but being with you is worth all the pain worth all the tears I’d do it all over again if it meant being with you_ , but he can’t find the proper words.

 

So he says the first thing he can muster up, “There is nothing to forgive, Jeno. I love you, you are the best thing that ever happened to me. You’re not selfish. Never. _Never_ , Jeno. _Please_ , please, please, _don’t do this_.” 

 

“Nana, we have to. You deserve so much more. You deserve someone who won’t bring you any kind of hurt.” And Jeno adds, because he knows Jaemin would _never_ do anything for his own sake, “ _We_ deserve better. We taught each other a lot, Jaems. We’re gonna— just think of it this way, okay? We were both so so happy, even with a lot of people against us. Imagine how happy we would be when we’re free to love other people? _You_ can have someone else. Someone whose family won’t give you dirty looks or judge you. Someone who won’t get the whole high school population angry at you? God, I fucking _hate_ people so much. High school students are shit.” Jeno lets out a bitter laugh. 

 

Jaemin wanted to beg him to stay wanted to scream wanted to cry wanted to ask him _why why why why_ wanted to rip his heart out of his chest so the whole world can see just how broken it was at this exact moment. 

 

He can feel the tears flooding his cheeks he can feel his heart beating a mile a minute he can feel Jeno breathing heavily on his left he can feel the rain pattering on the windshield.  

 

Jaemin had a thousand things to say and had nothing to say at the same time, so he settles for the most abundant thought in his mind, “But y-you promised me. You _promised_ — we would always be together.” 

 

The older boy shuts his eyes so tight it must’ve hurt, leans his forehead on the steering wheel where both of his fists are clenched into, and speaks through his uncontrollable tears, “I’m sorry, Nana. _I’m so sorry_.” 

 

And he realizes then that he loves Jeno still. And Jeno loves him still. But Jeno didn’t want him anymore. 

 

The older boy was right, Jaemin thinks. Jeno deserves someone else. Jeno deserves to meet new people. He deserves someone who can satisfy his parents. Someone he can be proud of. He deserves someone who other people will approve of. Someone beautiful enough, kind enough, smart enough. Someone perfect; _a person who is worthy of someone like Jeno_. Someone who is not _him_. 

 

The thought leaves him breathless and _it hurts and it hurts and it hurts_ and he can’t think properly and he can’t see properly through his tears. 

 

 

 

 

_Jaemin thinks that Jeno Lee is the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. Here they are in the middle of the dance floor, dancing to a slow song Mark Lee, their friend and the DJ for tonight, is playing._

_Jeno is holding him by the waist, pressing their foreheads together._

_The younger boy is brushing his nose against the older’s gently, as they both laugh about the plastic crown sitting on top of Jeno’s head._

_He teases him about it relentlessly, but just like everyone else in the room, he thinks Jeno looks even more like a prince than usual. **He falls for him harder.**  _

_The younger boy rests the side of his head on his prince’s shoulder, feeling the vibration of the other’s chest against his, as the older sings along to the music._

_The older’s lips brushes against the shell of his ear, and he wants nothing more than for this moment to last forever._

_Jaemin traces patterns on the back of the older’s neck making him hum, “You look handsome tonight, Homecoming King.”_

_The older boy takes one of Jaemin’s hands from his neck and brings it up to his lips, pressing gentle kisses on each finger, “Never as beautiful as you, Nana.”_

_The younger boy smiles, reaching up to press a small soft kiss on the other’s lips, they are in school after all._

_“I love you, Jeno Lee.”_

_Jeno hums happily, peppering his face with gentle feather-like kisses, “I love you too, baby. More than anyone.”_

 

 

 

 

“Okay.” Jaemin didn’t know what else to say. _He never knew how to make someone stay._

 

“Nana, I really am sorry.” Jeno tried to fix himself. He wiped his tears, unclenched his fists, and ran his hand through his hair. His heart felt like it was ripping in two, but he couldn’t really do anything about that. 

 

“I told you there is nothing to apologize for. But I’m— I’m sorry too, Jen. I’m sorry for everything. Thank you so much. For everything. I love you. Still. _So much_. I don’t think I can stop anytime soon.” 

 

Jaemin breathes shakily. “Jamie—“ the older boy starts, but the younger boy cuts him off. 

 

“I think. I think I— I want to go home now, Jeno. Please take me home.” 

 

Without words, without a glance, Jeno starts the car. 

 

 

 

 

_Jaemin juts out his lower lip exaggeratedly, “But babyyyy, I wanna cuddle.”_

_The older boy holds his chin between his thumb and forefinger as he presses a kiss on the other’s lips, softly at first, then deeply when the younger boy hums in appreciation._

_They stayed like that for a while, with the younger boy halfway into his lover’s lap, hands buried in the older’s hair._

_Jeno pulls away first after giving one last lingering peck on the younger’s lips, “I’m gonna miss you, baby, but championship is in a few days, the boys are on edge and coach is giving us additional practice hours.”_

_The younger boy buries his face on his lover’s neck, just breathing him in, “I know, Chenle’s always so tired from practice recently. He’s making us worried. **You** are making me worry, you shouldn’t overwork yourself.” _

_Said lover just smiles and runs his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair, “It’s only for a few more days.”_

_Jaemin whines, making him laugh. “You better call me when you get home.”_

_“‘Course, sweetheart. Now, go. I can feel your older brother watching us from your window.”_

_The younger boy rolls his eyes, “Yuta needs to accept that I’m a big boy now.”_

_Jeno raises one of his annoyingly perfect eyebrows and wraps his arms around the other’s waist, “Oh really now? And what do big boys do?”_

_“They kiss their cute boyfriends goodbye.” Jaemin giggles and leans down to press his lips against his lover’s in a long but gentle kiss._

_“I’ll call you later, okay?” Jeno kisses his forehead before helping the younger fix himself._

_“Drive safe, babe.” Jaemin steps out of his car._

_“I love you, Nana!” The older boy shouts when the younger was halfway through their driveway._

_The younger boy laughs and turns to face the car, walking backwards, “I love you more, Jeno Lee! Don’t make me miss you too much!”_

_Both of the boys are not much of believers, but they thanked whoever’s out there, for simple moments like this._

_Jeno waits for his lover to enter the house safely before going on his way, a silly smile on his face._

_Jaemin enters their house and leans back against the door for a moment, heat on his cheeks and a hand against his heart._

 

 

 

 

Jaemin can’t help but think about all their happy memories. All the stories they told each other. All the stories they made together. All their adventures. All the times spent in each other’s rooms. In Jeno’s car. In Jaemin’s kitchen slow dancing to whatever song is playing. Every hug. Every kiss. Everything. 

 

He wishes that he could remember the bad things. He wishes he could remember the problems and the fights. The angry shouting. The silent tears. The dirty looks from Jeno's parents. The anonymous messages sent by Jeno's countless admirers. The whispers behind his back. The names they all called him. Maybe it would be easier.  

 

_But he doesn’t._  

 

What he remembers are the apologies. The explanations. The soothing hand on his back. The gentle kiss on his lips. The soft whispers of _i love you we're gonna be okay._ The quiet promises.  

 

Jaemin doesn’t realize they arrived at his house until the car was put to a stop. 

 

They sat there for a while, not saying a single word, not even looking at each other. 

 

The younger boy releases a shaky breath, heart broken, throat aching, fists clenching in his lap. 

 

“J-Jeno— Thank you. Thank you for everything. My— time with you. Was the best. Thank you.” 

 

The older boy sighs and closes his eyes, reaching out for the other’s fist. He eases them until the younger unclenches and lets him intertwine their fingers. _One last time._

 

“Nana— Jaemin. I’ll— I’ll always love you.” He says, voice barely above a whisper. 

 

The continuous tears flooding from Jaemin’s eyes never stop, but he doesn’t make a sound. He bites his lip so hard it almost ached half as much as his heart did.  

 

The younger boy doesn’t reply, but Jeno knows. They both know; Jaemin will always love Jeno too. _They both don’t know any other way._

 

The younger boy wipes at his tear-stained cheeks and tries to smile. Small and wobbly, but it’s all he can give. “I wish you a happy life, Jeno Lee. You deserve it.” 

 

Jeno doesn’t get a chance to reply, as the younger boy quickly opens the door of his car and steps out.  

 

_He loved Jeno in the purest softest most gentle way one person can love. He loved him in a way one would love a warm blanket in a cold rainy day. He loved him in a way one would love the feeling of warmth on their throat after taking a sip of hot chocolate made especially for them. He loved him in a way one would love reading a book they’ve read thousands of times before. Knowing. Expecting. Comfortable. Familiar._

He loved Jeno in the most quiet of ways. But he’d have to keep himself warm now on cold rainy days. He’d have to learn how to make the perfect hot chocolate, or settle for coffee even. It’s time for him to start reading new books instead of rereading all his favorites for at least 10 times. 

 

_Their love, no matter how happy and beautiful and great, wasn’t meant to be. But oh how they wish it was._  

 

Jeno doesn’t wait for the younger boy to enter his house. With a shaky breath, he pulls away from the driveway and leaves. 

 

Jaemin hears the car driving away from him. He doesn’t look back. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this! I know there are a lot of errors with the grammar and punctuation? Some of them are unintentional but most of them aren't. I write the way I think and feel. And my feelings aren't very grammatically correct (she apologizes). 
> 
> This was so weird for me to write, honestly. It's also the first fic I wrote that I didn't write in one seating. I wrote from my own experience? So basically whatever's written here is what I feel about break-ups? It hurts so much more for me to break up in good terms. Like there's no big conflict/problem, it's just you thinking that you're not meant to be? And I don't know if it's just me or if it's a general thing but like during/after break-ups, I think a lot about happy memories spent with your ex-partner. 
> 
> Anyway, please do comment down what you think! Also my twitter acc is @sprinklednana ! Talk to me or ask me whatever you want there, I would really really appreciate it <3 I love you all for reading my fic, really I do!!! I have other fics too (much fluffier ones), check it out if you want!
> 
> Please do look forward to part 3! It's gonna be set on the morning after Just for tonight (part 1). We're gonna find out about Jeno's text (and just a little hint: I don't like sad endings, never did) <3


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